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12/8-2003, 15:07

Kalle Hviid

Antal indlæg: 3814
Online 39d 16t 12m
Kbh


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(3000+ indlæg)


1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating
rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back
of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes
at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a
diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens
to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to
in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so
well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.

EVER WONDER......

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery! "?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with
real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they
make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods.............

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have
to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be
how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just"
a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down.."
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:! "Product will be hot after heating." (...and
you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't
this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds
off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And...I'm taking this
because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As
opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody
out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to
fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)


---
For training just wear loosely fitted clothes and a smile.
12/8-2003, 18:04

Palle Pallesen



Antal indlæg: 9276
Online 835d 8t 39m
Kbh NV
CSA
www.encycloped...


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(5000+ indlæg)


ADS-newbie ID #48477
Minder mig om nogle af de indslag Jay Leno laver, funny stuff


---
"Men, hvis man for at tiltrække nye studerende viser et cirkusnummer, så skal man ikke bagefter beklage sig over, at dem der møder op er klovne." - Nico
12/8-2003, 18:20

Lasse Petersen

Antal indlæg: 359
Online 1d 6t 2m
Horsens
www.zenmeditat...


Gult forumbælte
(300+ indlæg)


Ghostwalker ID #48478
he he det er sku funny stuff det der


---
Our greatest glory consists not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall - Judo proverb
12/8-2003, 19:19





Antal indlæg: 230
Online 0d 0t 12m


Gråt forumbælte
(100+ indlæg)


asdcas ID #48485
LOL det er jo genialt!
12/8-2003, 19:33

Nico

Antal indlæg: 5064
Online 3d 18t 53m


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nico ID #48488
"4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a
diet coke."


Minder mig om en "Subway" sandwich restaurant vi var inde på i New York. Folk spiser der for at tabe sig - men med alle meals fik man en stor pose gratis kartoffel chips.

og.... på Burger King havde de ikke bare "kids meal" men også "Big Kids Meal" - hvor slogannet var: "More of the Good Stuff to fill you up!" (no shit!)
12/8-2003, 20:30

Nick



Antal indlæg: 7711
Online 17d 20t 19m
Ashihara Karate...
wikileaks.org


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(5000+ indlæg)


Nick ID #48495
Minder mig i øvrigt om en plakat/poster som ALLE restaurationer/cafeer/barer mv. i New York SKULLE/skal have hængende:

Choke victim! (mener det var ordlyden)

- og så en masse billeder og tekst som gik på hvad man skulle gøre, hvis en nu en med-gæst fik maden galt i halsen...

grovædere?




---
Ej fjærter mus som hest uden røv revner
14/8-2003, 9:22

Kim Andersen

Antal indlæg: 198
Online 0d 0t 18m


Gråt forumbælte
(100+ indlæg)


El Pollo ID #48706
15/8-2003, 20:02





Antal indlæg: 12272
Online 376d 14t 50m


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David ID #49008

The Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Globetrotter

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